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Holly
the Red Dwarf’s a tenth generation hologramic on-board computer.
It has a rapidly
diminishing IQ of 6000, "....the same IQ as 6000
PE (Physical Education) teachers."
He/it
is played terrifically by Norman Lovett and later
by the lovely Hattie Hayridge. He/It has
a number of features that endear him/it to the rest of the crew,
not least is his cockney accent and the way he/it keeps a calm
head when all around are loosing theirs, for instance, "Emergency.
Emergency, there’s an emergency going on!"
Is used rather than the normal deafening siren.
Holly
is sensitive and you should not insulting him/it, never call him/it
stupid or ugly. In one example, Rimmer
makes just such a mistake! "Ugly" replies
Holly, "I'll have you know that I chose this face
out or the billions available because it happened to be the face
of the greatest and most prolific lover that ever lived!"
Holly
also gets bored in the same way as the other members of the crew
and has been known to play practical jokes to relieve the tension.
Probably the best known of these was the one that Holly played
in QUEEG from Season Two, in
which he feels insulted that the crew think him/it stupid.
Holly
once told Lister that
there were two space ships heading for Red Dwarf with a warrant
for Lister's arrest.
Lister asked who they were and was told that they were from the
‘North West Electricity Board’ (an electricity utility
company based in the North West of England). He went on to
explain that Lister
was wanted for the crimes against humanity. "It seems
that when you left earth three million years ago, you left two
half eaten German Sausages on a plate in your kitchen…. Do
you know what happens to sausages that have been left unattended
for three million years?….. Your sausages Dave, now covers
seven eighths of the Earth's surface…..Also you left Seventeen
Pounds 50 in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest, you
now own 98% of all the Earth's wealth and because you hoarded
it for 3 million years, no-one has got any money except for you
and NORWEB!"
"Why
NORWEB?" asks Lister.
 "You
left a light on in the bathroom." Explains Holly. "I’ve
got a final demand (bill) here for £180,000,000,000."
Lister
is most upset before he notices Holly put on a Groucho Marx mask.
Holly simply couldn’t wait for six months (until April 1st)
with a red-hot joke like that!
Holly
has been in love twice, the first was with a Sinclair ZX81 personal
computer. Apparently everyone said it was a bad idea
telling him that she was stupid, cheap and wouldn’t load…
 (it
probably had a blonde keyboard). The second was with
Hilly, the very sexy looking Red Dwarf computer
from a parallel universe. In fact he/it was so taken by
her/it that he/it changed into a her/it! Erm… if you see
what I mean! Holly fell in love with Hilly in the episode
Parallel Universe
and the increasingly erratic Red Dwarf computer performed a head
sex-change operation on itself and became Hilly!- until he/it
re-appeared in Season 8.
The
only thing that helps me Holly retain a slender grip on reality
is the friendship it shares with
his/it’s collection of singing potatoes.
As
with Holly, Hilly had a delightful way of informing the ships'
crew of impending disaster. E.g. "Abandon ship, Abandon
ship! Black Hole approaching. This is not a drill! This is a drill.
(~sound of a hammer drill~)… Abandon ship. Oh gawd! Now the
sirens bust! Awooga Awooga! Abandon ship!"
 Once,
in a particularly disastrous experiment, Kryten
managed to rig a contraption that would boost Hilly’s IQ
from 68 to a whopping 12,368. It was short lived however, and
Holly returned to being the dizzy blonde computer we had all come
to know and love.
At
the end of Season 7, Holly returns … erm and then he returns
twice in Season 8! Red Dwarf was dismantled by
a small group of nano-bots and turned into a small planetoid.
When Lister and the rest of the crew re-discovered their old ship,
Holly was spotted in the form of a wristwatch. Later in Season
8, he/it was put back on the re-constituted Red Dwarf but remained
hidden from Captain Hollister.
Currently
there is the old Holly that we all know and love (on Lister’s
wrist) and the old Holly (pre-big bang) that answers
to the Ships Captain (Hollister)
Graphics and Sound files are in FREEStuff
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RED DWARF
