Andromeda: S02E03: A Heart for Falsehood Framed

An epsiode review by Hollydays

Once again our intrepid hero Dylan, is trying to play peacekeeper (I am beginning to see a pattern here). This time it is between a seedy orbital spaceport (Pierpoint Drift) known for being a den of thieves and the insectoid “Than”. Rommie advises Dylan that it would be better to let the Than blow the orbital up. Dylan admonishes her (logical tendencies), and before he scurries off to get into more offical duds, he gives Rommie the once over, poignantly stops at her… cleaveage and tells her to do the same (I am concerned here, about his manliness).

A stinking rock is what the fighting is over!!

It is called the Hegemon’s Heart. It looks like a hunk of clear Quartz with a dash of red in the middle. A priceless relic apparently. The git who runs Pierpoint (Doge something or other), won’t give it back to the Than for whom it is an important piece of history, supposedly the crystallized heart of the 1st queen.

The Doge guy (who must be a git ‘cause he is ugly), visits the Andromeda to start talks about the rock. He thinks he shouldn’t have to hand it over to the Than being that they are just ugly bugs. It always surprises me when people who should know the pain of discrimination turn around and discriminate against others. After all, Doge looks like he stuffed his head up a ….erm, never mind, lets just say he shouldn’t discriminate. Then the Doge guy tries to buy Dylan off (HA!).

Meanwhile, Harper and Laura Croft, opps, I mean Beka are at the spaceport thing arguing about the best habitat to live in, space versus planet. The conversation then turns to why the Than haven’t just done a “drive by”.

Doge is in alliance with the Free Trade Alliance, which has a lot of firepower. Their conversation is interrupted when Beka gets her purse lifted by a green dude (what color not to be in a crowd when you are a thief). Beka and Harper take after him, Beka in direct pursuit, Harper going to cut him off at the pass when a handsome git trips Beka. Beka then proceeds to give the handsome git a hard time, erm , I mean a beating, erm, they fight. Which as usual ends up with the git landing on top of Beka (smart girl, that one is).  We find out that stealing is legal for Pierpoint Drift citizens but assaulting a security officer, which is what he is, is not legal. He knows who Beka is and has a nice Inspector Gadget like wristwatch where he is able to read off previous charges against Beka and all of her “gang”. Basically charges of what we know and love best about our characters. Beka is up for smuggling, counterfeit and fraud. Tyr is up for assault, mayhem, and murder. Trance for basically theft, theft, and more theft and Harper for grand theft spacecraft, and public lewdness. He gives them the “I’ll be watching you (and Dylan)” speech and saunters off.

Back on the Andromeda, the arrival of the Than general has begun the squabbling and negotiations. In other news, we see Harper making a fake Hegemon’s Heart. He assures his fellow “gang” members, Beka and Trance that not even Rommie will be able to tell the difference. (hmm, where is Tyr?)

Off they go to scope out the “museum” where the real rock is held. Harper is dismayed when they walk in and see a previous would be thief hanging dead for all to see. once he checks out the security system, he is even more concerned for his well-being. Beka slides up to a camera and invites handsome security guard for a date while Trance slips into an empty sarcophagus and Harper sets up his techno takedown stuff.

Back to Beka’s date scene (and by the way, except for her stupid Laura Croft braid, she looks very good on her date. in a nice one shoulder bared thingy you guys like, which should boost her date-o-meter right up there with Rommies.) Beka is waiting for her date in the exotic botanical gardens(complete with man eating plants) when Tyr happens upon the scene. He commends Beka on her new work clothes and how much ease of movement they’ll provide, lacking only a place to obscure a weapon. She retorts that he is jealous to which he snipes “of what, a backwater night watchman?”  (ohhhh, the intrigue of possibilities!)  Beka sets him straight that she was talking about the crime of the century (sure you were, love) and invites him to join in but Tyr says he has methods of his own…and then the night watchman, err, security guy shows up (Bryce-Hawkins). Tyr gives him a look of death and walks off. The dude asks what that was all about and Beka replies “Oh, you know Nietzschean males, always marking territory. You gotta be careful, or he’ll spray the trees.”

Through their date we find out that dude is a famous cat burglar (the plot thicknens). The two genetically gifted people walk around admiring each other and making smootchie eyes.

On the Andomeda, it is made clear that Dylan knows what Beka is doing and is the one that put her up to it, while on the space orbital, Tyr is meeting with the same purse ripping off green dude.

Cutie pants security dude gets called away for duty and kisses Beka goodbye. Apparently a women like Rebecca Valentine can count on getting kissed on a first date as she rips off a transparent bandaid like thing from her face where Cutie pants left his fingerprints and has collected his saliva for his DNA. Off to the museum for the crime of a century!

While the crime is occurring, Dylan is having a hard time with the negotiations. Tyr meets with Dylan privately and assures him that tomorrow there will be a new player (Tyr has arranged a meeting). Dylan apparently is being quite sneaky, but to no avail. The Heart has been switched so Dylan can hand it over to the Than. The Than haven’t blown up the Orbital due to the FTA. Doge hasn’t paid his fees to the FTA. The FTA gives him the shaft.  The Than will assemble their fleet, Doge will have to hand over the Heart in the museum….Ba bom bom. Dylan tells his gang to redo the “steal” and put the real heart back.

In the Maru, Beka, all alone, scans (or lights up) the supposed real Heart and is noticeably disappointed. It’s not the real one. Beka enters the Obs deck and tells Trance, Tyr, and Harper that the Heart is a fake. Tyr and Beka have an idea where the real one might be. The cutie pants night watchman.

Off to seduction land.

Miss Valentine has no problem seducing said cutie pants.

While the unpanted cutie is sleeping, Beka starts to case his apartment for the Heart. She rips open a section of wall and finds, not the Heart, but a video thing showing Trance stealing the Heart. Bryce-Hawkins (unpanted cutie pants), catches her in the act and tells her that the penalty for theft is death and fires his weapon!

I had to wait through the commercial break to find out what happened, so you do too….close your eyes and hum something

BAM! The video is destroyed! Beka is very confused. Why would someone who has the perfect scam going give it up for her? (must have been a good seduction) (oh, I can’t believe I just said that)

Tyr gets to his arranged meeting with the new player. It’s cutie pants!! Tyr insults Bryce and then asks how much it would cost for the Heart. Bryce doesn’t admit to actually having the Heart but if he did it would be 50 million Guilders (that’s INCONCIVABLE!). Somehow, as is usual when Tyr is around, a fight ensues. Cutie pants gets thrown around, by Tyr. Back up security guys get wounded/killed, by Tyr. Other objects get thrown around, by Tyr.

Tyr exits room

Later that day….a handsome, but slightly beaten up man hovers his hands over a man eating plant.  With one quick dive his hand emerges with a lovely crystalline heart.  With another quick movement a gun is charged behind him.  At gunpoint Bryce-Hawkins confesses to Beka that he got a job as a security guard so that he could become a citizen and therefore legally steal the Heart.  It was a good scam. He got paid to steal the Heart and was able to run outside jobs (he and Tyr have a lot in common). When Andromeda came along he saw his opportunity to get someone else to take the fall for the theft but then fell in love with Beka. He asks her to marry him so she can legally enjoy the benefits of the theft. Beka’s loyalties to Dylan are being tested. She asks Cutie pants to meet her on the Maru in an hour, which he does.  While holding the stolen treasure she asks Bryce to put his trust in her if things look like they are going “Splat”.  He does the typical “yeah, yeah, let me kiss you” routine so many of these spacemen do.  Tyr, literally, drops in uninvited (from the bulkhead).  Beka stashes the real Heart and pulls out a fake. She asks Tyr what does he think he is doing and he retorts that he could ask her the same thing. He grabs the rock and cutie pants and stomps off to Dylan.

Beka fishes out the real Heart and scans it again. A holographic map shows up which she records. She sighs and whispers, “I hope this is worth it”.

She heads off to catch up with boys.

Dylan is in the conference room holding the Heart. In attendance is the Than general, Doge, Tyr, and Bryce-Hawkins.  Doge is threatening to kill Bryce when Beka enters and cutie pants disappoints us all. He states that the Heart is a fake and points to Beka as the true thief that he was trying to lure out. Beka walks up to Dylan and gives him a big kiss and slips him the real Heart.  Dylan gives the real Heart to the Than general who holds it up to her eye and verifies it as the real thing (She must be able to see the map).  She is quite happy with the outcome. The whiny Doge is upset that he has got nothing out of this deal. Tyr reminds him that no one has blown him out of the sky.  Dylan looks very relieved indeed.

Poor Beka. She confronts Bryce as he is doing a runner. She tells him that she was going to support him and cover his butt if he had only trusted her and not given her up. He congratulates her for winning the game. Beka winches at his words. He continues to play the part that it was just a superficial game and asks to see her smile again.  She manages to play along and tells him that maybe they will play again someday. As he walks away, he clearly knows the hand he played was the wrong one and looks almost as sad as Beka.

Dylan and Rommie are having a private chat about the Hearts. Apparently Dylan and Rommie were playing all of their crew.  Rommie had lied to Harper about not being able to tell the real Heart from the fakes and according to Rommie, Harper believes “pretty much what she tells him”. (Although I don’t think she knew about the map??).  Rommie also reveals that she did not think Beka could be trusted to complete the mission and thought Dylan took a great risk.  He assures her that “Sometimes you have to take risks to tell the real hearts from the fake ones”.  (awwww)

I would rate this one a 35,000 out of 1500

The “A Heart for Falsehood Framed” episode review is © 2001-2019 Hollydays.  Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The names, characters and everything else associated with Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda TV series are the property of the Tribune Entertainment Company. All rights reserved.

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