LEXX: S04E19: Haleys Comet
Welp, this wasn’t the greatest of episodes. I guess it was a sort of filler before some of the cool stuff that we were expecting towards the end of the season story arc.
The show opened with a familiar discussion between Xev and Stanley Tweedle about how they were pleased to be leaving Earth and ‘hey, what’s that little object out in space that the LEXX wants to eat?’ The tasty morsel turns out to be a Russian spaceship manned by four spoiled 20 something’s. As Kai approaches the spaceship, we see the crew gleefully bobbing about.
On board are Haley (an overweight bimbo), Amber (an underweight bimbo), Josh (a twerp) and another twerp called Ryan. All seem less than wholesome and you know instinctively (or al least from experience) that they are all going to die. The only bit that makes this realisation interesting is that they might die ….. innovatively.
But, as Kai waves to them through a window that he will tow them back to the LEXX, one of the doomed precocious ones says menacingly, “They took the bait!”. The rest laugh evilly (except Haley who doesn’t seem to understand what is going on). “Hello LEXX,” Adds Ryan, “Sayonara Earth.”
When the visitors arrive on LEXX they are treated to a LEXX meal from LEXX’s penis shaped food organ. Stan and Xev try vainly to flirt with them, but the attempt looks silly and the behaviour of the guests make you think, ‘why bother’ – almost immediately you begin to think, ‘hurry up and kill these guys already!’
But one match is already decided upon, Amber takes one look at the tall dead dude and determines that he/it will be her next conquest. 790 notices her attentions and growls his disapproval.
As the group makes it’s way to the bridge, they talk about their reason for leaving Earth. Stanley agrees with them that the Earth is a doomed planet and totally controlled by evil forces. Xev tries to change the subject, “Do you guys like sex?” she asks.
She goes on to explain that the reason she went down to the planet in the first place was so that she could find lots of men to have sex with. She looks pointedly at Josh while Haley looks on jealously.
Apparently, Haley’s father is a super rich dude and the group, bankrolled by Haley’s trust fund, bought a spaceship from the Russians in Star City (I guess that’s where the Russian spaceship supermarket is located) and flew into space. The reason being that they have a laptop which they can use to hack into all the worlds major media networks and get their message to the people.
Stanley begins to get the picture, “You went up into space in that tin can so that you broadcast the message back to earth….. And you want us to help you go back so that you can do that.”
“Dude, you like, totally got it!” Replies Ryan enthusiastically.
But Stan is not interested, “Well we’re not gonna do it.” And when Haley asks why, Stan explains, “Because Earth is a bad planet and we don’t ever want anything ever to do with it!”
Amber raises her hand as if to say, ‘but teacher’ and objects, “But I have to be back next week for the Earthfest in Triest”. She turns seductively to Kai and says with her best ‘come to bed eyes’ and a welcoming smile, “Have you ever been to Triest?”
“No” Replies Kai firmly.
Haley asks where they will live if they don’t return to Earth, “Where would you live then, on this space station?”.
Stanley takes exception, “Nooooo. This is not a SPACE….. STATION! This is the LEXX. The most powerful force of destruction ever built in the two universes and I’m the captain.”
“Wow,” the guests answer collectively. Though you couldn’t help feel that they were just humouring him.
Later, Stanley and Xev are discussing whether or not to take Amber, Haley, Josh and Ryan back to Earth or if they should invite them to stay on the LEXX. When Kai is asked, he simple abstains with, “I do not think that the dead should intrude on the affairs of the living .”
But the affairs of the living and fast becoming entangled in a web of deceit. Ryan and Josh don’t think Stanley looks much like the captain of such a powerful ship and when Stan the man employs LEXX to tell them who is boss, he becomes a little wary of the two visitors and refuses to tell them any more about how the ship is controlled. Meanwhile the guys tell Haley that she has to ‘make out’ with Stan in an attempt to make him like them – haha, now that’s funny!. Haley is appalled but agrees and she leaves to follow the disgruntled Captain Stan.
As she walks away, Josh tells Ryan, “I just don’t know how you managed to get it up with her”.
“I just closed my eyes,” replies Ryan, “And thought of the trust fund.” This confirmed that they were all not just ignorant twerps, but evil, ignorant twerps and by this point most of us in LEXX fandom were all screaming for their blood.
And lets face it, the rest of the show was all about waiting for the inevitable. There was the obligatory pass at Kai by Amber, The depressing attempt by Haley to ‘make it’ with Stan – doomed as usual to failure and the rather circular romp as Ryan tries to ‘get it on’ with Xev. All for naught.
Ryan and Josh learn that the LEXX’s illusive key can be obtained if Stan is sexually excited or killed (or both) and they eventually get Amber (without much persuasion) to get it from him.
Haley discovers that Ryan is after Xev and that he was only interested in her because of her trust fund. She runs off all upset and vulnerable …. right into the trolley of 790. The robot head then uses all it’s powers of persuasion and logic to twist the mind of the meek, plump girl and gets her to kill everyone – especially Amber who is clearly after jumping the dead guy’s bones. 790 shows her the location of an old black pack. Wow! Nice to see those completely implausible and fun weapons of destruction making an appearance after so long!
Well armed with the black pack, Haley wonders off to see who she can kill. She meets Ryan in the hallway. Ryan stupidly and in a rather mean spirited way, tells Haley the story of how she was used so that they could access her trust fund to escape Earth and get to the LEXX. That was their goal all along, they had no intention of doing anything for any people other than themselves.
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Josh is in bed with Xev. Well, not actually in be, but sitting on top of the bed. For a cool dude, he sure is talking his time! You’d thank that after months of hanging out with a girl that made him want to puke, he’s e a little more eager. He tenderly holds Xev when suddenly they are rudely interrupted… |
Amber meanwhile learns that Stanley is available and with key, she persuades him to temporarily banish Kai to his cryo-chamber and then attempts to avail herself of Stanley’s key – by killing or bonking or both. And just as she starts enjoying herself, suddenly they are rudely interrupted… |
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Haley blasts Ryan into nothingness. Xev and Stanley hear the blast and recognise it as coming from a black pack. They run off to see what has happened.
Amber gets dressed and wonders into the flight deck of the LEXX where she sees the chubby would-be serial killer. She confronts Haley and is dispatched immediately for her trouble.
Stan and Xev are soon joined by Ryan and they all realise that Haley is now an armed serial killer in hot pursuit. They agree to meet at the cryo-chamber to re-animate Kai. Unfortunately, Ryan has other ideas, he attempts to leave in a moth in the hope that Xev and Stan will deal with Haley on their own. Everyone catches up with him as he attempts to leave. At this point, Kai magically wakes up and heads off to find the trouble.
Haley is knocked over Xev and a moth and falls over a ledge to her death. Luckily she has the presence of mind and the accuracy to fire a shot from the black pack at the moth and sends the hapless Ryan and the unfortunate moth into oblivion.
To be honest, that was the highlight of the show (besides Amber taking off her blouse), the graphics were great!
Kai joins them, “Kai,” Says Stanley surprised, “Good timing… sort of.”
It seems as though Kai believed that there might be some trouble, so he programmed the cryo-chamber to re-animate his after a short period. “What a silly girl” adds Stanley as he looks over the edge to where Haley met her doom.
Later, on the flight deck, Kai, Xev and Stanley are tying 790 to the wall. I guess they feel that they still need the robot head, but they need to tie it up to stop it from moving around and causing trouble. Kai tells them that although the robot head can be re-set, as soon as it saw someone it would again become hopelessly infatuated with them and continue to display the same psychotic tendencies.
And there the show ends. This was another crappy one and there was little to get excited about. The baddies didn’t even die particularly innovatively.
I’d therefore rate this a lowly 21,625 out of 10.
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This episode review is © 2001 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission
Some of the Vidcaps scanned in by thefrey
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Kai Kaption Screensavers
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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission
The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.
