LEXX: S03E11: Girltown

This is a cracking episode. It’s difficult to describe in a single opening paragraph, but it had all the usual elements of a crazy, implausible, horrific and comedic story-line that we have all grown to know and love. Plus some very unusual gender ambiguities.

In the last episode we saw that Xev had been separated from Stanley and Kai, also that they went to look for her on the surface of the Fire planet. They didn’t find her, but they did find her balloon. The nearest town to the place where Xev landed was Girltown and that’s where Kai and Stanley headed.

Stan mentions the fact that they have seen a number of the their old adversaries on the planets Fire and Water (Bunny was Lalean in Wake the Dead, Fifi was Schemmi in LuvLiner and Weird Mantrid was Evil Mantrid in most of Season 2). Stanley supposes that they are in some sort of afterlife. Kai wonders if there is a living Kai.

On Girltown we see a group of seamstress dudes (of definite gay persuasion) making balloons. This apparently, is the local industry, they make the balloons for the gondolas that the Fire planet uses for it’s war with Water. These people work in atrocious conditions overseen by some very butch looking women with whips. one of the seamstress dudes made a dress for one of his boyfriends. But in a demonstration of the brutality of the Girltown regime, the recipient of the present is thrown over the walls to his death by two butch guards (they are only supposed to sew balloon canvass, not pretty dresses).

Xev meanwhile, had made it to the base of Girltown, and managed to find an entrance to the city. She began the long accent to the top. Kai and Stanley missed Xev but also landed at the bottom. The dark dead dude takes off alone to look for Xev. This leaves Stanley to wait at the bottom – I guess he’s had enough excitement and just wants to hang out aimlessly for a while. We all knew of course that it would only be minutes before he was captured and strange and weird and horrific things would happen to him.

Minutes later Stanley is captured and strange and weird things happen to him. He is taken to meet the Queen of Girltown and is immediately surprised to see Gigerotta the Wicked – or at least someone that looks like Gigerotta (seen in I worship His Shadow and Super Nova). This lady seems to be taking a bath in a big Gothic looking tub. She asks Stanley who he is and then accuses him of looking like a girl. This clearly wasn’t meant as an insult. Stanley tries to explain that he is a geezer, that he is not of this world and that he is looking of Kai and Xev.

The Queen becomes excited to learn that Stanley is not of Fire or Water. She tells Stanley that all the bodies in Girltown are ‘Gone before bodies’. “You’re a real first timer aren’t you Stanley Captain.” She asks.

Stanley admits that he is 100% alive. The Queen goes into a hysterical fit of laughter, “Queen is so happy!” She confirms.

Then some strange woman surfaces from the Queens bath and announces, “Council time your majesty!” (waddan entrance!)

Next we see Xev making her way up yet more stairs. In the council chamber a large group of rather matronly looking women assemble for a debate. The chamber is a very formal affair. The Queen orders the council to begin and the leader asks that a motion be given to adopt the agenda. one of the matronly looking council members moves and another seconds.

For the next few minutes the matronly council member’s debate points of order and amendments and weather a point of order is a point of order of a point of personal privilege. Like me, those of you used to debating in such environments, you may have found this parody on council chamber debate interesting and even funny. I couldn’t help noticing that the matronly counsellors all had northern British accents. Since the militancy of the Trades Union movement in Britain is well remembered, I wondered if this parody was in fact a side-swipe at the reputation of pedantic Trades Union delegates trying to debate workers rights and becoming miserably bogged down with the formality of the debating procedure.

The council members, Spanner, Wrench and Hammer are debating what to do with Stanley (I guess he was pleased at the absence of Screwdriver). The debate that developed was not to see if Stanley should be set free or not, but to find the reason why he should be killed. In the end, there were three arguments; the first hinged on the fact that Stanley was a ‘non-she’, the second that he was probably working for Prince, and the third that he was probably working for the Duke. Since Stanley is not a native of the city and clearly not a woman, he must be a ‘non-she’. By default, ‘non-she’s’ must be in the employ of Prince or Duke and therefore must be killed.

Eventually, the following motion was raised, “All those in favour that the non-she has been following a non-boy agenda, and therefore should receive the highest possible punishment, death, signify by saying aye.” The matronly councillors raise their hand as one and say ‘aye’.

The queen interrupts by requesting that she have his body. The councillors agree and Stanley’s fate is sealed. Although we are not quite sure what Queen wants with his body, we already guessed that it wasn’t going to be pleasant.

In the Queen’s council chamber, Stanley is taken out of his cell and his head is placed in a sort of head cage. This vicious and VERY kinky device also has an attachment for detaching the occupant’s head. Stanley complains most strenuously as he is forced into the head-cage by two butch looking female guards.

The Queen goads Stanley, “the things Queen is going to do with that body.” Stanley missguidedly believes that the Queen is after his body in the carnal knowledge sort of sense – then in a rather confusing statement she indicated that she wanted to stick her head “onto the part that sticks out“. I have to assume that she is talking about the top of his spine rather than his erm…. power and control rod.

Kai meanwhile has gradually made his way up to the place where the gay seamstress dudes are busily sewing balloon canvas. The dialogue between the head seamstress dude and Kai is hilarious, you can just imagine Kai trying to get his, “I am dead“, and “the dead do not have urges” lines out, punctuated with phrases such as, “they keep us girls down here in the heat. Oh those inhuman beasts.”

The butch guards quickly learn that the dead dude is not one of the boys and they are swiftly dispatched when Kai releases the chained seamstress dudes (the leader of which is called Andre Gigeroff and bares an uncanny resemblance to the writer of this show, Lex Gigeroff – Do you think they are brothers? More importantly – Would you write such a part for your brother? ). “Now would be a good moment to take advantage of the element of surprise.” Prompts Kai.

The gay seamstress dudes show their appreciation with kisses and frilly items of clothing on an indifferent Kai. They dance about free of their chains until Kai mentions that he needs to find Xev. The head seamstress dude offers to help.

At this time we see a cameo appearance of Jimmy Somerville as one of the recently liberated gay dudes. As they all celebrating their release, the happy dancing gay thread-mistresses dance around showering themselves with lots of items of delicate and brightly handiwork. Ms. Somerville sings a song “Freedom is come” in a style of the early eighties ‘New Wave’. Kai is in the middle of all this and sticks out rather like a sore thumb. He discusses the idea that the seamstress dudes might like to live on the Water planet, in the recently vacated Garden city. The head seamstress dude and his pals become enthusiastic when Kai agrees to take them there. The party quiets and they all wonder off to find Xev.

Stanley on the other hand is reaching the point of no return; we see a very graphical representation of exactly why the Queen wants Stan’s body. As you can see from the picture, she is only a head! (Though what the hell he wants with a 50-year-old dude’s body is beyond me!). She raises up from here bath on a sort of hydraulic arm and exclaims, “I want your body now.”

Xev hears Stanley’s screams and runs towards the noise. Kai however gets there first with his gay companions and cuts the chain to Stan’s head trap with his handy wrist gadget. The head Seamstress dude twiddles the queens knob (on the bath) and causes her armature to descend into the water where she drowns.

Later, Xev, Kai and Stanley fly off complete with entourage of gay balloonists. They all fly off towards the Water planet in the moth and a large number of newly built balloons.

Kai radio’s to 790 that they are returning to the LEXX. The head seamstress dude exclaims from afar how gorgeous Kai looks in black. But as the orbiting LEXX approaches them, 790 inadvertently tells the LEXX, “there’s a tasty little snack for you.” and the big bug suck’s in the helpless balloons.

The moth is also trapped and as it tries to escape, Kai and Stanley are thrown out!. The key to the LEXX is transferred to Xev who only just manages to stay onboard.

As Kai and Stanley descend rapidly, Kai informs Stan that he cannot save him (the dead dude cannot float).

And there the show ends!

Wadda cracker! It’s rare to see a parody of officious debate, especially in a sci fi show. But it may also have made us consider the futility of the conflict between Water and Fire. The more we get into Series 3, the more we see how immature and silly these two peoples are. Sure they have different ways of doing things, and yes, this may cause a lot of soreness and itching, much like nappy rash. But the people of Fire and Water have forgotten the one balm, the one salve that can soothe that irritated bum of debate, and that is the Vaseline of democracy!

This story must surely end in tears.

Nevertheless, I just godda propose an amendment to the motion that this episode be rated a whopping 38,201 out of 10. What did you think?

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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
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