LEXX: S02E08: White Trash

This was finally the show where Stanley got laid!  And about bloody time!  It was also the show that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Paul Donovan and Lex Gigeroff have ‘got it in’ for Red Necks!   The ‘bad’ characters in this show conducted themselves with all the grace and humour of a bunch of mindless ingrates.  Worse still, they had terrible accents!  (they couldn’t speak proper like wot we does!)

I hated this episode!   The story was moderately ok, but ultimately it left me irritated and generally pissed off AND my love life has been awful of late. So, as a result, I’ve got an irresistible urge to take my irritability out on you lot!  If yer gonna read this – prepare to suffer!

Fust off, I’m gonna talk all mah comments in that thur RedNeck in honour of thum thur writers charmin’ an’ anecdotal dialogue (perhaps it’ll annoy yo’ as murch as it done did me!)

The show opens with a quite disturbing scene of some bloke on the LEXX  – being clubbed to death by a spotty twerp, with some large thigh bone!

Ah say, clubbed t’death, but he didn’t seem t’put up much of a fight. His murderers were a family of galaktic red necks fum a planet called Vermil, ah reckon. 

Thar is a large fat geezer (th’ same geezer we sar at th’ end of th’ last episode), his sweet li’l slutty dotter, a spotty geek of a son an’ a rather cherubic li’l kid.  Cuss it all t’ tarnation. They killed the geezer and ate him!

Stanley thought that he heard a scream, but Xev and 790 heard nothing. Stanley supposes that there may be others on the LEXX. It is, after all a very large ship. Stanley goes alone to the Galley to get something to eat. While he is there he questions the LEXX about the possibility of others being on the ship too. LEXX confirms that not only are there others, but that they are standing right behind Stan.

They introduce themselves as Paw, Sissy, Junior and little kid – they make up what is left of the Gollean Clan. Despite a warm greeting from the big fat geezer, Stanley is told that he will relinquish control of the LEXX to Paw.

Xev and 790 soon learn of this when they all meet up in the Cryogenic Chamber room. The little kid is intrigued by 790 and Kai’s cryo chamber, whereas the other RedNecks are more concerned with Xev.

Paw is shown that the LEXX is capable of immense destruction when Stan demonstrates by blowing up a local planet (wif a large whole in th’ centre!?? – Th’ science in this hyar show pow’ful sucks sometimes!) KABOOM!

Paw instructs Stan to take the ship to his home planet of Vermil. Then he takes a nap. Junior takes great interest in Xev, and surprisingly, The mature and voluptuous Xev decides to reject the attentions of the spotty adolescent Junior.

Meanwhile, Sissy mentions that she is a little tired and wants to rest – in Stan’s bed! Stan joins her – (as yo’ do!  Fry mah hide!). 790 and the Little Kid are in Cryogenic Chamber room. 790 persuaded the kid to revive Kai provided they help him return to Vermil. The Little Kid is not like the others of his family. He demonstrates a certain understanding of all things mechanical. An’ does not haf th’ same mo’ronic attitude t’others.

After Stanley and Sissy’s amorous coupling, they are distressed to learn see that Paw has not only woken from his nap, but is sitting on the end of the bed!  Now this particular family are not only protective of their family members, but also protective of their …. erm…. family members…. erm …. When Paw kisses his daughter Sissy erm… he erm… demonstrates his firm belief that Incest is a game the whole family can play!.

The only way Stanley can get out of being clubbed to death is by agreeing to marry Sissy. At the wedding ceremony on the Bridge, Stan has second thoughts. When Sissy tries to stop Stanley being killed she is accidentally pushed over the Bridge to her death.  Meanwhile, the spotty Junior had persuaded Xev to leave the LEXX and accompany him to party on Vermil. Xev kin be pow’ful gullible sometimes!

Kai is revived and when he arrives at the bridge, he sees Paw trying to explain away the accidental death of his daughter. Paw runs off, he thinks that Kai is the ‘law’.

On Vermil, the Spotty Junior and Xev find that the only survivors of the Cleansing are a rival Galloo clan.  Junior is as stupid as the rest of his family and is quickly captured (yawn).  He is put to death by being lowered into a cage containing some man eating ‘critters’.

Kai, 790 and the little kid travel to Varmil leaving Stanley and Paw (still hiding) on the LEXX.  Stanley is desperately trying to revive Lyekka in the hope that she will eat Paw. Lyekka does not stir.

On Varmil, 790, Kai and the Little Kid find a spaceship. Apparently the spaceship was once owned by the lads father, and the Little Kid is his illegitimate son (at this hyar point ah reckon most of us were past carein’). Paw catches up with Stanley and, after finding out that the rival clan have killed his twerp of a son (frankly – th’ stoopid geezer desarved t’die), he orders Stan to destroy the planet and it’s remaining inhabitants.

Kai, 790 and the Little Kid repair the spaceship, rescue Xev and return to the LEXX (leaving the kid alone).  After the planet is blown up, the LEXX crew are re-united and finally the lovely Lyekka catches up with Paw and eats him for breakfast.

The little kid also managed to escape the destruction of Vermil by flying his spaceship off the planet. Th’ li’l kid is about 10 years old!  Fry mah hide! Fry mah hide!   C’d yo’ fly a spaceship at 10.  Hell ah c’dn’t.  Mebbe at 11  o’ 12, but not 10!  Fry mah hide !!

An’ thet was it.  Ah yawned through most of it, all ‘cept a couple of scenes, when ah threw an emppy beer kin at th’ tv screen, as enny fool kin plainly see.

I’d hafta rate this hyar episode a’ idy bitty 7,629 outta 10.

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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
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