LEXX: S02E17: The Web

Ok, ok – a lot of you may have HATED this episode, maybe you thought it was a rip-off. Maybe you needed more information on the coming confrontation between Mantrid and the crew of the LEXX. Maybe you even thought that the writers were a pair of scum-sucking bottom dwellers that needed a good shafting with a very large (and very WIDE) stick!

I didn’t of course, I actually liked this episode!

But this show nibbled at me, irritating and causing me to try and resolve the conflict between one side of my mind thinking, ‘SadGeezer, you have been significantly ripped off!’ and the other side which was saying ‘Hey dude, wadda great story’! Or maybe that was the beer!

The Net is EXACTLY the same as The Web EXCEPT, it’s different. It is almost the same story but with a few significant changes.

The first difference is that ‘The Net’ tells a story in which the plot is revealed ‘as it happens’. And the plot of ‘The Web’ is told from the perspective of the last five minutes of a Scooby-Do cartoon! (You know, like at the end when we learn that it was the Museum Curator who was causing all the Ghosts to appear because he wanted to frighten people away from his counterfeit money operation).

The Net tells the story of how and WHY Stanley was acting strangely and most importantly, what happened when Xev said that she would ‘give it to him’!

The show opens with the LEXX is heading for a giant spiders web, and I mean a BIG spiders web. As the LEXX approaches, the web changes and becomes almost invisible.

Then we see that lovely shower scene again. Actually, it wasn’t that lovely, it was simply Xev taking a shower! It wasn’t particularly erotic and there was none of the frontal nudity or those immortal words, “well go and erupt by yourself!” In fact Stanley wasn’t that concerned with the lovely Xev’s nakedness, he was more concerned with loosing his cap (I really worry about that guy sometimes!).

Of course he does make the usual suggestion that they should ‘get it together’ and he adds that in a few days time they will be dead! – a good argument, nicely put!, but Xev puts him off by saying that they will talk again in a couple of days.

Stan returns to the bridge where the LEXX reports that it sees a Web, a BIG web. He requests that they change course but Stanley tells the LEXX to turn too late and as the ship is caught in the Web’s giant tentacles, the LEXX is buffeted and the crew are rendered unconscious.

In this episode however, we see that the LEXX has indeed been caught in the Web and that a number of large tentacles have penetrated the ships hull seeking out the crew. Kai, Xev and Stanley are still unconscious and 790 has gone wonky! We see these long tentacles search the corridors for signs of life. They find Stanley who has been thrown through the corridors and ha landed on the toilet! The tentacles enter his ear and nose. Stanley lets out an involuntary scream! This wasn’t yer average blood curdling scream of a man with large tentacles being shoved up his nose and ear, more like the scream of a precocious 5 year old whose favourite TV show has just finished.

Kai is next to be subjected to a nose and ear job. But his metabolism is just too alien for the Web tentacles to stomach. They seem to suffer some sort of convulsion and they shudder before withdrawing. The withdraw is total and Xev is fortunately left alone. The giant Web is seen to look pretty ill indeed. It turns a darker shade of green and seems to clasp the LEXX tighter.

Later, Xev is the first to wake, she finds 790 who warns her that there is something terribly wrong. They find Stanley still unconscious on the toilet. He seems to have some green liquid coming from his mouth. She tries to revive him and as she does so, Stanley says sternly, “Cut cord to Kai” He also manages to give her Kai’s location. Stanley looks Xev straight in the eye and continues, “Hurry, it’s killing us.”

Xev finds Kai and cuts a cord/tentacle attached itself to his head. This revives Kai. It seems that the tentacle was left there to keep Kai subdued. Kai has no recollection of what happened to him. Stanley Tweedle also manages to revive himself. None of the crew, including the LEXX seem to know what happened. The ship seems to be continuing it’s journey toward the centre of the Universe and there is no explanation of the collision with the Web or how they managed to escape.

Everyone feels uneasy. Stanley attempts to get the LEXX to replay the last seconds before it hit the Web, but the screen goes blank. The same occurs with 790, although the robot head is convinced that Stan is in some way being controlled. And he is! Stanley converses with the Web periodically, he is completely under the control of the creature. It seems important that the Web infiltrates the LEXX and it’s crew, it doesn’t seem to want to eat the LEXX, and with the ‘big bug’ going nowhere, it’s hard to find why the Web should be interested at all!

The ship settles down and they are fooled into believing that they are continuing their journey, but Xev and Kai notice certain noises and strange happenings on the ship.

Kai attempts to hook up one of the optic nerves of LEXX to 790’s eye screens. They discover that the LEXX never actually broke free of the Web! They work out that the Web is controlling the LEXX through a direct connection to it’s brain core above the bridge. Kai cuts the chord and Stanley orders the LEXX to fire at the Web. The ship and it’s crew are saved! Or so they think?

When everything has calmed down, Zev tries to find out if Kai would fancy her if he was ‘alive’. Kai says that he doesn’t know. She then attempts the old, ‘well then I suppose I could bonk Stanley instead’ trick in the vain hope of inducing some jealousy from the dead geezer. Of course she fails. (Listen girls, that trick never works!) Later, Xev manages to find Stanley’s cap and take it to him, “I want to give it to you.” She says, purposefully teasing him with the notion of a sexual encounter (as teasers go, Xev is pretty good). Stanley ‘puckers up’ to accept a kiss and she produces his hat. Poor Stanley is not too impressed with this, but instead of the usual rejected sulk, he grabs her viciously by the neck!

790 screams and this seems to re-activate Kai’s cryo chamber. In Xev’s bed chamber, Stanley still has Xev by the neck and is choking her. He explains that he (meaning the Web controller) must also run from Mantrid and it will use Xev’s body as the new host. (Have you ever had a nightmare about accidentally swallowing a large spider!?)

Then we see an excellent shot of an ugly looking spider escaping from Stanley’s mouth. It’s tentacles almost reach to Xev when Kai and 790 appear. Kai immediately uses his handy wrist gadget to manoeuvre Stanley against a wall. Xev tells Kai to kill Stanley (and therefore the web spider thingy). Believing that Kai will kill Stanley, the spidery creature thing escapes and scurries around the room avoiding shots from Kai’s handy wrist gadget, before it is finally squashed by Xev’s boot!

Stanley is gradually revived and immediately asks for his hat! on the Bridge, Stanley is finally given his hat. He warmly hugs Xev for giving it back to him. ‘Everything is just fine’, he says happily.

“Not for long.” Says Kai looking up at the monitor. They all look up to see yet more patches in the sky.

The Net was pretty good, I rate this episode a cool 27,427 out of 10. What did you think?

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This episode review is © 1999-2019 Tony Fawl.
Not for reproduction without the authors express permission

The LEXX names, characters, pictures and everything else associated with the series are the property of SALTER ST FILMS & TiMe Film-und TV-Produktions GmbH in association with Screen Partners. All rights reserved.