The universe was in flux. In fact, ALL the universes were in flux. The space/time continuum had gone off the rails for some unknown reason, and the Light Universe was buffeted against the Dark Zone (which is to say, itself, almost), the Four-Quadrant Universe was turning into chopped liver, Vorlon Space was oozing over everything, and that didn't even begin to describe what was happening elsewhere. The Multi Universes of Creation had become a tossed salad.
"Ouch," said Lexx.
Stanley Tweedle picked himself up off the floor and mounted the bridge stand. "What was that, Lexx?"
"Something hit me," Lexx said mildly. "It hurt."
"I know, Lexx, but what was it? What hit you?"
"It may be a ship. It looks like a tasty snack. May I eat it?"
Stan clapped his hands to the sides of his face and shook his head. "Show me."
The view screen shimmered, and a ship appeared. At least, Stan thought it was a ship. It was sleek and streamlined, which made it look odd to his eyes. Why would anybody streamline a ship that was meant to travel in airless space?
Xev and Kai came running onto the bridge.
"What happened, Stan?" Xev looked up at the view screen. "What's that?"
At that moment, the view screen shimmered again, and a face appeared.
"This is Captain Dylan Hunt of the Andromeda," said the face, looking concerned. "We seem to have crashed into you. Are you all right?"
Xev relaxed and smiled. "Well, hello."
Captain Dylan Hunt smiled back at her. "Hello there."
Stan shook his head again and grimaced at Xev. "I'm Stanley H. Tweedle, captain of the Lexx, the most powerful destructive weapon in the two universes. Whyn'cha look where yer goin', pal?"
"Well, *you * appeared out of nowhere. Wait. What do you mean… * two* universes?"
"Hey, we had the right of way!"
Another face appeared on the screen alongside Captain Hunt. "We're wasting time. I say we go over there, kill them, and continue on our way."
"Now, Tyr," said Captain Hunt.
Stanley opened his mouth, outraged. "Hey, listen, you! I---"
Kai stepped forward, resting his left hand on his right wrist and looking grim. "I suspect you will find killing us more difficult than you anticipated."
"Now, now, boys," Xev soothed, moving between Kai and the view screen. "I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding. No harm done. Is there harm done… to your ship… captain?" She batted her eyes at the view screen.
"No. No harm done." Captain Hunt smiled at Xev.
"In fact," she purred, "why don't you come on over and stay a while… so we can make it up to you."
"Xev!" Stan hissed at her. "What are you doing?" She merely wrinkled her nose at him, and turned back to smile seductively at the captain.
"I don't think we should go over there," said another face, with dark hair and dark, killer, bedroom eyes. "I don't think it's safe."
Stan froze for a moment. "Oh, it's perfectly safe," he said, shaking himself like a dog. "Sure. We're just really safe people. So… why *don't * you come over and get to know us. If you know what I mean."
Dromy pursed her lips, looking Stanley up and down.
Still another face popped into view. "Hmph!" Beka glanced skeptically at Captain Hunt. "I'll leave it up to you, Dylan, but this doesn't smell right to me."
Captain Hunt shrugged. "Well, maybe we should get to know them. You know, put our heads together and figure out what's happening with the space/time continuum. It's in flux, you know," he said seriously to the trio on the bridge of the Lexx.
Stan was staring at the two women. "No, we didn't know, but if you want to come over and discuss it, I'm sure we can be accommodating. Over dinner?"
At that moment, the view screen went fuzzy and then focused on open space. Another ship was shimmering into view. It was a very weird looking ship, indeed. A voice crackled over the audio.
"Hello? This is the Starship Enterprise. Hello?"
"More guests," Xev said.
"Oh boy," Stan said.
Kai said nothing.
[ 29-12-2002: Message edited by: SadGeezer ]
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